i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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