Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
