If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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