hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
