I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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