dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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