I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
