no, he came in my armpit
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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