I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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