Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
My liver just had a heart attack.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Randomize
