Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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