I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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