just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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