walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
