Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
