singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
