Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Randomize
