it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
