Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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