I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
