I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
