I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
