So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
