how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
