Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I AM VODKA MAN
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
