At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
