I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
