I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
you would pick up someone in the library
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
