I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
