swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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