She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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