Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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