Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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