Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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