i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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