My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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