9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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