Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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