We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I FOUND THE LEGS
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
