My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
