cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize