I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
