Only a mothe r could love this liver
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
