So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
