it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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