I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
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