Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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