so explain again why im purple
no
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Randomize
