i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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