Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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