remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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