booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
