Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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