i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
