SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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