I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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