It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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