just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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