moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
