I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
