I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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