is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
