You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
He kissed a someone with a penis
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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